Jeffrey's Ledge

Absent Minded

Striving for Daily Yoga

One of my goals, at some point this year, is to do yoga daily. Or at the very minimum, my weekdays. Yoga has been fantastic to me in the past. Keeps me flexible, makes me stronger, and reduces my anxiety. But I think I would see more of its awesome effects if I did it a lot more. 2-3 times a week isn’t going to make a big difference, I don’t think. And if you know anything about me at all, you know that I need all the stress relief I can get.

But I still have issues getting in yoga every single day. I am a subscriber to Yoga Journal at this time, and I love it. I want to eventually be more disciplined in my practice. I want to even someday incorporate yoga into my OT practice (I will have a separate post on it, but I have some research that I have been doing about how yoga can help kids with special needs…I just need to find the time to write about it — it’s a long one!).

Yoga Journal currently has a 21 Day Challenge running!! It started on Jan 9th (but because of an arm injury I see a doc for on Monday….I haven’t started it yet, BOO!), but you can start it at any time. You can choose between beginner and intermediate paths. Last year, I did the beginner one and this year, I am going to find out if I can handle the intermediate path.

I am hoping that I will be able to begin this Wednesday, January 18th! Each day, I will learn new elements related to yoga such as…the proper way to do and make the most of hip openers, side bends, core work, and standing work.

Yoga is a fantastic way to bring down your stress levels. Take it from me. I can’t wait to feel a lot more balanced and stress free this year…

Current Happenings

Just a little update, as it’s been a week since I have said anything. Sometimes the weekdays get busy or I run out of things to really say. Some days? Are just repeats of the day before and nothing interesting happens. I suppose I should be thankful for that one!

  • Work: The new job. Well, I have been there now for two weeks, but its actually Monday that I will be starting in the area that I will be at full time. Pediatrics. Treating children who have sensory integration difficulties and autism. I’m scared to death, but excited. The last two weeks have been full of trainings and getting used to the flow of inpatient, which is where I will be once a month.

    It was boring, to be honest. Which is a good indicator that I made the right choice by choosing to work with kids. I get bored with inpatient therapy. I really do. A lot of it is all the same. The precautions, the protocol, etc. Some days, sure it’s nice to have the sameness, when you don’t feel “all there”. But as far as a career? I couldn’t be some place like that until retirement. I don’t even know if I could work with kids until retirement, but darn it, it’s what I want to do now. What I like about my career field is that I can choose whatever, whenever. I mean, some areas require a lot of extra training, etc, but if you’re motivated to do it, you can. It’s so flexible! Moving on…

  • So far so good with the exercising and better eating. I thought about it today and realized I hadn’t had a pop all week. No Coke! How in the world did I go a week without it?? I didn’t even have much coffee!!  Woot! And the working out is more frequent, so I’m happy about that. I need to get into a better groove. Hopefully, with actually starting my role on Monday, I will finally have a set schedule and can really get into a routine.

    Since I won’t have to go to work until 9 or 10 am(!) daily, I can get up early, get in some yoga or a run, or even a visit to the gym, have a breakfast that actually fills me up and STILL have time to get ready? I’m happy. I attacked my Google calendar today working out a plan. I will get up between 6-7am each day and make stuff happen. I feel more relaxed throughout the day when I start my day relaxed instead of rushing to get ready and leave. It’s also going to be great to skip most of rush hour traffic. Woot!

  • Marriage is super tough lately. We get into these ebbs and flows. Sometimes things are great, sometimes things are not. Right now, we’re arguing a lot about the dumb things. Things like splitting up chores evenly. It’s hard to set those guidelines. I’m completely buried in studying for this new job and I’m feeling stressed and haven’t spent enough of my own time to help with things around the house. The majority of the time, Dan doesn’t seem to act like it bothers him to occasionally take the brunt of the responsibility.

    Then I complain that he did something wrong (like, missed a spot on a plate — just gross, you know?), and then he’ll freak out at me “Well, if you’d do dishes once in awhile!” So he obviously doesn’t like it, but then I confront him and tell him I’ll do them and then he says no it’s fine, he’ll do them. GAH. Why is it that we let these small things blow up to such big issues?? And how the heck can we make it more even? He’s also been helping with the laundry. Or at least getting it downstairs for me.

    During training, I tweaked my elbow again to the point that the pain has been down to my wrist. It’s hard to carry things. :p I am getting  a lot of eye rolls when I ask if he can help me carry things up and down the stairs. It’s frustrating, I know. I’ve been dealing with this stupid arm for over a year and a half. (On a side note, not much more I can do about it but rest it when I tweak it. I can ice and heat it, wear a horrible splint to bed, etc. But I’ve had a few cortisone shots and can’t get anymore.

    And while you may say that I should just go ahead with surgery, I’m not considering that an option. Surgery is no guarantee. I’d be out of work for 2 months!! And the recovery? Way worse than dealing with a little self therapy once in awhile. I know that it has held me back from a lot of upper body training, but I can handle light free weights. Anyway, I digress…). If you guys have any tips for how you’ve split chores up at your house, let me know. Besides having kids to become your slaves. 

That’s about it for now. I’ll keep you posted!

I can. I will. I am.

I don’t necessarily make this mantra a part of my life on a regular basis. But I am for now. I’m such a sucker for delicious food around this time of the year. While most of my regular meals are relatively healthy, I sometimes don’t fight it and indulge in a goody that a coworker brings in. Or when I go to the family get togethers? There’s nothing healthy to be seen, and I find myself content in taking small servings I want, and I don’t ever go for seconds (too full anyway!).

I’m going in the right direction, but December is the month of the year that I struggle with the most in terms of working out. Its already dark, cold, and gloomy, and there’s a growing to do list. This year? Add the Stress of a NEW JOB and studying constantly for that. I’m afraid that I will let myself over do it. I need to really get serious about my fitness before I gain holiday pounds!

I have tweaked with my half marathon training schedule. The one I have been using is a 16 week program. And technically I wouldn’t have to start it until after the new year, as the race is in May…But I need something NOW to keep me on a fitness track. So I tweaked it. I am repeating the first couple of weeks (week 1 x 2, week 2 x 2, week 3 x 2, etc) to get my endurance back. So far so good. Then when January rolls through, I can push through and run the training as I’m meant to. Getting my lungs and form back have been a journey. One that I kept giving up on.

I just want to be back at the fitness level I was 7 years ago….the place I was at when I fractured my pelvis and was told “no running for at least a year!” I feel like for years I’ve been saying I want to get back there, but I haven’t pushed myself hard enough. I keep saying “I can’t.”

This time, I can. And I am.

The Perfect Form

I have been working hard at this running thing lately. Maybe not logging in a lot of miles or doing it every single day. But I’ve worked hard to get back into it the last month or so. I’ve hit a lot of trials and tribulations! Mostly with my shoes. OMG, MY SHOES. And for those of you who wondered what I ended up with? (They aren’t pretty!)

There you have it. The Brooks Dyad. They kind of look square if you were to look at them from the top. I took one look at them when the running store salesman had brought them…and was like, um, NO. They remind me of the shoes that one professor of mine used to wear with EVERYTHING.

She’d be wearing a dressy top and slacks…and those darn clunky (probably orthopedic) sporty shoes. But I tried on a lot of shoes. A TON. My feet were getting worse and worse because I assumed that I needed more cushioning. However, more cushioning, ESPECIALLY in the arch and heel area? Was making it worse for me. This shoe is relatively flat and is great for people who need inserts, actually. I don’t need inserts, so the flatness is perfect.

– – –

Anyway. Now that my shoe conundrum has been fixed…I need to focus on form. Oh, form….Thank goodness I worked with some awesome physical therapists! They have helped me really work hard on improving my posture. After years and years of sleeping primarily on my side, my right side, I had an issue with my right shoulder constantly being in the position of being rolled forward and down.

I guess you couldn’t really tell unless you LOOKED, but it was causing more of a problem than I realized. When one shoulder is not lined up right, your scapula (or shoulder blades) aren’t pulling in correctly, which leads to everything else not lining up. It’s even possible that my improper posture was causing a lot of my arm problems in the end. At any rate, I ended up calling on my PT’s to look at me because of a lot of back pain I was experiencing.

Since becoming more aware of my posture, I’m noticing how much my running form is starting to improve.In fact, tonight, I felt even more aware than I have ever been about what my body was doing as a whole. And I got through WITHOUT my inhaler (I had forgotten it). I felt amazing after I was through with it. I felt like I WORKED but didn’t feel worn out. AH, awesome. 🙂

I feel like I’m finally on the right track! WOOT!

A new phase…

You guys have no clue how much better I feel about my career. Yesterday was my very last day at my old job. I was sad, because there are a lot of people there that I love and care about. We mostly have worked very well together and everyone jokingly teased about how they are pretty mad at me for leaving. The manager of our inpatient program, shook my hand firmly and in short told me how he really thought I’d do well in the new location, the manager there is incredible and again, I’m going to do really well. He is one that I really wish WAS my manager, but alas he is not.

(To explain that, he USED to be the manager over the employees as well at inpatient. He is a contracted employee. I’m not sure when the chain of command got changed. But our manager is the director therapy services (inpatient and outpatient). Our manager, the one I had some trust issues with, is mostly housed at outpatient, which is frustrating in and of itself. She was never at inpatient and when the manager there at outpatient would say anything to her about problems going on at inpatient, he’d get chewed out. I digress…I really wish he was the manager. He’s a much better people person).

I got a million hugs. I didn’t get to hug everyone I wanted to, as I kind of left quiet. I didn’t really want to make a big todo about it, you know? I was leaving for weird reasons. In fact, depending on who was asking me why I was leaving, I gave different reasons. Most people understand why I was going. I didn’t even say goodbye to my mentor. Nope. She ticked me off for one last time yesterday.

At around 2:45pm, I let her know I was going to be popping into see an acute patient and then I was headed out. For one, we were mostly caught up with our patients in inpatient and it was my last day. No reason to stay until 5pm. She said ok. Well, while I was over there, she came to see me and asked me to finish up the rest of the time with her patient…who still needed 45 minutes of treatment. GAH. I pretty much said no. I was planning on getting to the walk in clinic because I had been having continuing dizziness since our weird virus last weekend (ear infection woot!). I’m not sure where she was when I was ready to leave. I didn’t really care. I almost expected her to text me later on. She didn’t.

In order to decide…

There is something else I’d like to share with you as part of the decision making process I’m going through to decide if I do or do not want to have children. This particular something seems silly really, but it’s important to me. There are a lot of parents who do a lot of research before having children. Research on the probability of passing on certain genetic diseases, for instance.

I’m not really concerned with anything deadly or dreadful. But I’m worried about passing along something that can really be an annoyance. I had a grandmother with serious issues with clinical depression, and my father does, too. Oh, and guess who else has mental issues? You’re truly. In a lot of my research for my abnormal psych courses years ago, I discovered that there is a strong link to genetics. I intend to research that further because it’s been a very long time since I took those courses and frankly, I don’t even remember if the results of the studies I read we’re even significant.

So on top of reading and studying for my new job, I’m also thinking about this in the back of my mind.

I wonder if I’m just looking for a new justification to not have kids. Although I certainly am curious about anything I end up finding.

If you know anything about this subject, send me to any resource you have found helpful. I will be forever grateful.

Favoritism

I’m trying to figure out favoritism in my mind at the moment. What it is and what makes some people more likely to show it towards others.

Fa*vor*it*ism noun The practice of giving unfair treatment to one person or group at the expense of another.

Please. Explain to me. How can a person get away with it? Let’s say it’s a boss. Who never seems to care about the concerns everyone has expressed about a certain coworker? What in the HECK is being held over their head if anything at all?

Most importantly…what can the average person do to fight it? Nothing? Just do what I did and quit because I was frustrated? But what about the people who are left behind in my wake?

I’m feeling so guilty. For leaving people behind. People that are frustrated too and have no choice but to stay. Some who will miss me more than I ever realized. I can’t believe that I’ve only been there 5 months. I feel like its been for so much longer….

It’s no surprise…

I can’t even tell you what a whirlwind I have been through the last few weeks. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? It all started at work. Wait. Who am I kidding? This whole story is work related!

I have never hated my job. Not for one moment. But there were certainly days that made it unbearable. I am well aware that we all have unbearable days, as well as unbearable coworkers. But these were different than anything in my past.

I work with mostly awesome individuals. Hardworking, smart, the perfect team. But again, there is always one coworker that ruins things. And because I’m not one to name names, I obviously won’t. Let’s just say it was a she. A super psychotic micromanager to be exact. Don’t get me wrong. She is smart. But she’s annoying.

(I know that this is all vague but I never like getting too detailed anymore on my blog in regards to work matters. I just don’t want to end up “dooced” at any point.)

A few weeks back after feeling frustrated I had a chance to apply for a different job. I was asked to interview for said job. I got an offer from this job. And because I like my job…I said no. Then things blew up at work one week later. Something snapped in many of us. Two of us were called in to talk to our manager. Including myself…and I was finally given the opportunity to be honest. To say how I felt about certain situations. So I opened up to the manager that I felt like I could trust. I had never had any reason to not trust her.

Until it became very obvious that there was a hint of favoritism happening. I was told, essentially, that I may be the one who is wrong. That my character was in question and I had to write an apology to the coworker that really should have been writing one to me.

I went one whole week. Then I couldn’t take it one more second. The stress. The horribly sickening feeling always brewing in my stomach. I wasn’t sleeping well. And this coworker? I couldn’t stand to even look at her or listen to her backhanded jokes. After one particularly sleepless night last Wednesday…I emailed my recruiter first thing Thursday morning, expressing my regret for turning down that job so quickly.

In the end? I am taking a new road….towards a new job. And the only person who hasn’t asked why…or told me that they will miss me? That coworker. I’m not surprised….

Significance

A rather random update on my life as of late:

1. I broke up with my scale. After having a rough couple of weeks that made me feel as though I should chuck it out the window… I’ve put it away for now. I have a bad emotional connection/relationship with scales. In the past, no joke, Dan has thrown them way. He was sick of my meltdowns. After a mini one last night, I immediately put it in a closet. Yes, this means I will have to quit the Shrinkvivor challenge. And I’m ok with that.

2. Dan and I have made a new commitment to running. He will be running a marathon in May and I’m running a half the same day. Freakinh cool, right?

3. I’ve gotten into some deep discussions recently. On some subjects that people are very very passionate about. I never should have opened my mouth. Things like vaccinations. And whether or not to get them. And the sources people are getting their “research” from. As someone who is in a medical field and have been educated on the proper way to do medical research (frankly its not that hard to pick up on, I just have had it pounded into my head) I believe it is important to get your information from the right sources.

Peer reviewed journals for instance. Not just from some article that Joe Schmoe wrote. So find out the date it was written, where it was published, the statistical significance of the findings, etc. how many people were a part of that study? You must read closely because an author can also sway your opinion — watch out for biases!!

Naggy, Health Crazed Wife

Or at least I feel crazy and naggy….

Look, Dan has a family history of type 2 diabetes and at his last health check up, his doctor told him that his blood sugar placed him at risk for pre-diabetes. Dan has, over the years, also had some difficulty in the weight loss department. He was once 25 pound(or more) heavier than he is today. But he’s also been 25 pounds less than where he is today. Back just before we met, when he was active with running, skiing, biking, and eating right.

Since we met, we’ve both put on the pounds, to be perfectly honest. We go on these health kicks for about a week and fall of the wagon. But at one point, I said enough is enough, and at least for myself, I buckled in hard. HARD. I went from 160 to 135 pounds. It was not an easy battle. Especially because I was mostly alone. And as of late, I had made a few health mistakes and gained a few pounds back and I’m trying to really change things beyond belief. I’m really proud of my changes, but I’ll get to that another time.

Dan eats what I feed him for dinner, which I try to make healthy, but I can’t keep tabs on what he eats for breakfast and lunch. I guess I haven’t really wanted to — it seems to be a bit much. But he recently told me that he wants to work hard again (in fact, someone is outside jogging right now). It just doesn’t seem like he’s truly into it. He hasn’t lost any weight (in fact, may have gained), barely exercises unless I pick on him or ask him to go to the gym with me. He eats healthy at dinner still, but will eat snacks in the evening.

My last straw? We keep track of our blood sugar (me, because I have low blood sugar and Dan because of the high blood pressure situation)….and one morning, I took our fasting sugar before we ate breakfast. Mine? 68 (it shouldn’t be any lower than 70). His? 115. (shouldn’t be any higher than 99). Ok, neither of our’s was way out there in either direction, but they are still out of range. And if his were only 2 points, then whatever, but 15 is a bigger difference.

At any rate, I feel kinda sorta worthless right now. I feel like he doesn’t understand the reason I want him to eat healthy and exercise. I tell him, so that’s not what’s missing…I just feel like he dismisses it. I love him and want to keep him around as long as possible. I don’t want him to feel like I’m picking on his weight…I want him to know I’m picking on him so that I can keep him.

What more, if anything, can I say or do??