Jeffrey's Ledge

Absent Minded

Feeling crazy. a bit emotional.

And you would be feeling this way too if you have totally given up reading books for pleasure and the only things you are reading the last couple of weeks (and for a couple of weeks and months ahead) are:

  • Clinical Assessment Recommendations (written by the American Society of Hand Therapists)
  • Physical Agent Modalities: Theory and Application for the Occupational Therapist
  • Fundamentals of Hand Therapy: Clinical Reasoning and Treatment Guidelines for Common Diagnoses of the Upper Extremity
  • Introduction to Splinting: A Clinical Reasoning and Problem Solving Approach
  • Watching: Acland’s DVD Atlas of Human Anatomy, DVD 1 The Upper Extremity

The more I study for my internship at a hand clinic, the more I feel like I’m flailing. WHY IS THAT? Why do I doubt myself SO FREAKING MUCH!?!?

Off to cry and drink a ton of wine. Oh, and study some more. Maybe run later….That helps…

Someone’s at the vet today!

As much as we needed to get it done, I really hated taking Vienna in to get spayed this morning. Seriously. This morning started off BAD. I open the door to let the dogs out, so we could get into the car. This is something I do often. All the time. They run back towards the garage. It’s that simple.

However, today, Vienna must have gotten the message that we were going for a WALK instead, because she BOLTS out the door, down the driveway, and down the street. MOTHER OF GOD. I’m running, screeching at her to come back and she’s all jolly running! Ike is just sauntering after me (oh, Lord, how could I forget he was behind me…). Anyway, so I finally get her, she’s shaking like a leaf because she can tell I’m, I don’t know…PISSED OFF. We all get in the car, go for a nice drive to the vet’s.

I was already nervous seeing as how we recently changed vets. A good friend of mine recommended them to me. So we’re going from our fancy vet (that overcharges us for everything) to a nice, country vet (the place is very nice, but SOOO small compared to what we were used to) that will charge us nearly half of what we were paying.

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True confessions tuesday

I almost never write confessions for Shrinking Jeans, but why not today? Not all of the confessions involve fitness or weight loss, so I guess that’s why I’m hard-pressed to give them the shout-out….or write this entry at all. But I’m beginning to fade fast in life…..

  • I’ve slacked off majorly in my studies for my internships. I begin then in 2 months now and I’m FREAKING OUT because I’ve not studied as often as I’d like.
  • I joined the gym last Thursday and have only gone once. Mostly because my sinuses are being a bitch and I feel like crap. I don’t know WHY they are being a bitch, but it probably has to do with something I ate.
  • Speaking of things I eat….I’ve not eaten well in the past couple of weeks. Fritz passed away, so I ate lots of fast food. My throat has been hurting, so I’ve eaten a lot of ice cream. My father in law’s birthday was this past weekend and so I drank a lot of alcohol, all of which are full of a crazy amount of calories.
  • I am addicted to television. Gah.
  • I got all of my blog moved over here to this new domain and I feel like I don’t even care to keep it up. It’s exhausting.

Tennessee and back!

Most of my trip to Tennessee was rather dull, lol. Aren’t most trips with family? I didn’t get to spend as much time as I wanted at my aunt and uncle’s pool, thanks to periods of rain and storms that were heavy heavy heavy. But I ate a lot of good food, drank GALLONS of sweet tea, and of course, adopted a new doggie.

I don’t have a ton to talk about, I guess. Just know that being away, and adopting a new dog has really helped get my mind off of terrible crappy things, like Fritz. Which, I want to kind of not talk about anymore. I’m sure you understand. That and family…Sigh…Fish and family — both start to smell after a few days…

Amazing food. Amazing feel to it ALL. You eat at the counter, there are may 20 seats in the restaurant, it is BUSY! Has the best BBQ pulled pork, homemade friends, burgers, and SWEET tea EVER. Next time you happen to be in Corinth, MS? GO! I wish I had gone there for breakfast — chocolate gravy and biscuits. YUM.

Unrelated — I joined a gym today, lol….Seriously, though, I’ve lost nearly 20 pounds without one…Now I’d like to buff up a bit.

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Like the sausage…

I don’t deal with death very well — you could say I’m not very good with the grieving process and all that. I was kind of stuck in a phase over Fritz. Feeling unfathomable guilt. Feeling like we should have done something more. But we had gone over it and over it.

Many said we should have tried the surgery anyway (PEOPLE…Don’t say stuff like that when the pet has already passed away…it makes grieving that much more difficult! Believe me…I know.)…Another made me feel like crap because I hadn’t gone ahead and tried learning how to express his bowels and bladder, or had him catheterized for good. Maybe there was more we could have tried to do, but WE know best the situation we went through.

Anyway, just 2 days after we had to put Fritz to sleep, I had to leave to visit family in Tennessee. Worst drive I have ever had to make. I had planned this trip for over a month but now I just wanted to stay home and be miserable. The only thing I had been able to think about was that I could not save Fritz. I had tried to save him from the miserable life he had led and I felt like I had completely and utterly failed.

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Mini break

I had a bit of a bad week, you know? So… I’m taking a few days off from the blog, from twitter, etc. I got out of town yesterday so I could visit with family in Tennessee. Worst timing ever. This I know. But maybe a week away from my life will help me get over what happened. Dan and Ike are at home, holding down the fort.

I just…dont deal well with death. Ever. It took me nearly 10 years to truly get over the loss of my grandmother. I know that would be extreme for a dog… But I know that I will forever question our actions that day. I will always ask myself “what if?” and I will forever wonder WHY life is unfair.

Have a great week, folks. See you next week… (

6 months / 6 dresses: month 3

I’m WAY ahead for month 3! I was out shopping today and fell in LOVE with this dress, at JC Penney of all places. Their dresses were ALL 50% off and then it was customer appreciate week or something insane and I got an extra 15% off. $24 dress! Anyway, THIS is what I will be wearing to that wedding next week. 🙂 Click to make the picture larger, because the pattern on this dress is so freaking cute.

I almost bought yet another black dress. Almost. But I have one of those already….Or 2. I decided against the polka dot dress for the wedding because I needed to really find something I liked for the challenge. NO BLACK AND WHITE!
That’s all I have to say. I’m so in love with this dress! This color is so perfect…

I can only imagine how outrageous my google reader is. Ek!

No, No, say it isn’t true. It has not been three months since I have done anything remotely related to blogging. I can’t believe it. Do any of you still read this? Do you even remember me? I can only imagine how outrageous my google reader is. Ek!

In these past couple months my life has been a crazy roller coaster of ups and down… but mostly ups, which is why I have been so quiet on these parts.

I quit my job, got a new job (which I love so, so much), I’ve watched my brother go to his Senior Prom, I’ve watched my brother graduate high school (I still can’t believe he is that old!), I helped raise over $3,000 for cancer in the Relay for Life, I have celebrated friends birthday’s and engagements, I celebrated my own 26th birthday (YAY!), went to multiple Detroit Tiger’s games, cheered on the Red Wings in the Stanley Cup semi- finals all they up until their last game, got sick and paid much to much to see a doctor, watched my boyfriend spend his savings on a new fancy boat (which I like because hello summer on the water!), celebrated Easter and Memorial Day and much, much more!

I don’t think I’m ready to start blogging again just yet… mainly just due to time and the fact that my interests just are not here anymore. But I’m going to try again. I miss doing this. And most of all I really miss all of you. Hope everyone is doing great!

Getting on my nerves

There IS something else on my mind right now, I’m sorry to say. It may not be helping out my anxiety about starting my fieldwork. Maybe because I might not be able to start my fieldwork as I had planned.

I haven’t wanted to talk about this because…well, maybe I thought that I needed to ignore it. That if I ignored it, it wasn’t really happening.  Well, not ignored it. Just not really talked about it.

I have been in some discomfort and pain the last few months. In my arm. It started off slow, but then it landed hard and fast in April.  I visited a doc at the clinic at the university. And that was kind of a waste of time.  He said I had ulnar tunnel syndrome (a condition that is similar to carpal tunnel syndrome — but that is the median nerve…different fingers and symptoms).

Anyway, so he sent me off to physical therapy. I started that, but the pain was also moving into my elbow. The PT thought that maybe I had issues with tennis or golfers elbow. I was so tired of not getting any real answers….I called and asked the doc to refer me to the hand/arm specialist/surgeon. I was in pain and frustrated. The doc was kind of an asshole and didn’t call me back for three days.

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The battle of inner vs. outer

Not like depressed unhappy, just unhappy about certain things in my life and I need to change them to be happy but I’m not doing that just yet type of unhappy. You know what I’m saying, right?

The more I sit around and beat myself up about this unhappiness, the more I realize what I am doing to myself. Just like my body vs. mind battle, I am now encountering an inner vs. outer struggle. I take really good care of my inner self. I feed it the right foods (well most of the time), take my vitamins, stay away from drugs as well as nurture my soul at church, my Small group/bible reading studies and time spent with my friends and man. My insides are happy! But it’s my outer self that is in need of some attention.

I need to get a haircut. I need to get to the gym. I need to fix my habits to stop my face from breaking out. I need to floss more. I need to stop biting my nails. I need to get to the gym (this is an important one worth repeating). I need to moisturize more. I need to shave my legs. I need to get a pedicure.

And that is just the top of the icing. Although I am doing a great job in the upkeep on my inner body, I am totally slacking on my outer self. And this my friends is the secret to my unhappy state of mind. I know beauty is seen on the inside, not the outside (blah blah blah) but what do I do when my insides are screaming of happiness but my outsides and dying in neglect…?

Are you more of any inner or outer care person? Or are you good at the upkeep of both? Do share your wisdom!