There IS something else on my mind right now, I’m sorry to say. It may not be helping out my anxiety about starting my fieldwork. Maybe because I might not be able to start my fieldwork as I had planned.

I haven’t wanted to talk about this because…well, maybe I thought that I needed to ignore it. That if I ignored it, it wasn’t really happening.  Well, not ignored it. Just not really talked about it.

I have been in some discomfort and pain the last few months. In my arm. It started off slow, but then it landed hard and fast in April.  I visited a doc at the clinic at the university. And that was kind of a waste of time.  He said I had ulnar tunnel syndrome (a condition that is similar to carpal tunnel syndrome — but that is the median nerve…different fingers and symptoms).

Anyway, so he sent me off to physical therapy. I started that, but the pain was also moving into my elbow. The PT thought that maybe I had issues with tennis or golfers elbow. I was so tired of not getting any real answers….I called and asked the doc to refer me to the hand/arm specialist/surgeon. I was in pain and frustrated. The doc was kind of an asshole and didn’t call me back for three days.

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Not like depressed unhappy, just unhappy about certain things in my life and I need to change them to be happy but I’m not doing that just yet type of unhappy. You know what I’m saying, right?

The more I sit around and beat myself up about this unhappiness, the more I realize what I am doing to myself. Just like my body vs. mind battle, I am now encountering an inner vs. outer struggle. I take really good care of my inner self. I feed it the right foods (well most of the time), take my vitamins, stay away from drugs as well as nurture my soul at church, my Small group/bible reading studies and time spent with my friends and man. My insides are happy! But it’s my outer self that is in need of some attention.

I need to get a haircut. I need to get to the gym. I need to fix my habits to stop my face from breaking out. I need to floss more. I need to stop biting my nails. I need to get to the gym (this is an important one worth repeating). I need to moisturize more. I need to shave my legs. I need to get a pedicure.

And that is just the top of the icing. Although I am doing a great job in the upkeep on my inner body, I am totally slacking on my outer self. And this my friends is the secret to my unhappy state of mind. I know beauty is seen on the inside, not the outside (blah blah blah) but what do I do when my insides are screaming of happiness but my outsides and dying in neglect…?

Are you more of any inner or outer care person? Or are you good at the upkeep of both? Do share your wisdom!

So I don’t think I could ever truly become a full-time vegetarian as I love meat too much (hello steak and chicken and shrimp!) but since late last year, I have been trying to eat more vegetarian meal choices as much as possible. One of my biggest moves towards this endeavor was going Meatless on Mondays. With the exception of one Monday where I ate a BLT (dang it bacon craving!), I have successfully gone three months without any meat on Mondays.

However, I’m getting bored with finding good meals to eat on this day. Since I know a lot of you ladies (and gents) are fabulous vegetarians, I’m hoping for suggestions as to some of your favorite breakfasts, lunches, dinner and snacks. Please share all the wonderful vegetarian (and possibly vegan) meals you make. Thank-you in advance 🙂

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