After numerous inquiries about my mental and physical health in relation to what could easily be interpreted as a pervasive bout of alcoholism, I thought it best that I clear the air a teensy tiny bit. While I welcome any and all reality television shows to show up at my home and give me national exposure, I’d prefer if it weren’t a misguided, b-list version of Intervention hell-bent on clearing up my drinking and man-sexing habits in some twisted, two for one special. Although starting up an ‘Ex-Gay’ blog where I consistently post about how often I’m NOT thinking about either of these two pictures would be hilarious.

No, friends, I am not an alcoholic. I am just easily influenced. Say we were to have a big deck party and invite all of the newf’s coworkers who all brought bottles upon bottles of wine and Grey Goose and we never cleaned up afterward, leaving a veritable liquor store strewn across our kitchen and dining room. Hypothetically, were that to happen, one might suggest that I was successful in not succumbing to the constant barrage of DRINK ME’s coming from the area in question more often than not, and can therefore go on living as a reasonable human being without any vices to speak of.

Not counting puppies and cheese.

But like many sober-living gays before me, I have realized that alcohol has its time and place. And that time and place is when you need the courage to sleep with a stranger or go out in public wearing four-inch pumps just to try it or take your mother who hates shopping out to find a dress for a wedding (just kidding mom, you and I both know I was hungover then…not drunk). Every good, weight-fearing homosexual knows that continuous alcohol consumption will simply leave you bloated and squishy which simply doesn’t fit into my plan for the summer.

We have a hammock now – do you even understand how terrible it looks when you have red, bold fishnet print indented into your love handles after a nap? REALLY TERRIBLE.

So there. Let’s put it to rest. If I’m going to get put into rehab for anything, it should be for Applewood Cheddar and good European Swiss. And maybe the Internet and Miley Cyrus’ new album. And at the very least for all that gas that I huff before I go to sleep. And for hating strangers and ugly people and dumb people. But not drinking – THAT I have under control.

Cheers.

DAMNIT!

You have two options.

1) You can join me in turning a slightly hungover Friday into a 24-hour celebration of the newly made-up (by me) International Old School Whitney Houston Key Change Day. It involves pretending you can sing (like new school Whitney), using dramatic hand and arm motions to overemphasize your key-changey awesomeness, and dabbing beads of effort-sweat off your upper lip obsessively.

Or, if faded 80s Pop Whores Who Are Now Lessons In What NOT To Do don’t float your boat….

2) Go read my photo-inspired fiction piece on the Just A Moment stog. Four other bloggers and photographers that many of you know and love collaborated to created some incredible pieces of short fiction – pure awesome…not all crusty like 17th Century Lit 101 – and now it’s my turn.

What you first need to understand about this story is that the newf is off for the summer because he’s a teacher and apparently playing with crayons is SO EXHAUSTING that they require two months of every year to recover.

Yeah – I said it. And don’t even try to yell at me, teachers, because I GUARANTEE you that it’s harder to be a teacher’s spouse than it is to be a teacher. But that, I suppose, is a post for another day.

So yesterday as I was going out the door to work – LIKE REAL PEOPLE HAVE TO DO – I mentioned that I’m expecting a mystery package that he should keep an eye out for. He agrees because if he knows that if he so much as put up a fight I’d call him out on how watching Zac Effron movies and creeping on Facebook is NOT CONSIDERED A BUSY DAY until my brain explodes and leaks out my ears.

But let’s set the scene, shall we?

Later that afternoon, the newf is happily showering when he hears a knock on the door and the subsequent machine gun of barking dachshunds (a.k.a. full out, earth-shattering chaos made worse by the fact that we’re currently taken care of Calvin’s brother too) that typically announce a visitor’s arrival. Knowing that I’m expecting a delivery, the sweet newf jumps out of the shower, wraps a towel around his waist and runs to the door.

When he opens the door – sopping wet with shampoo in his hair wearing naught but a towel – he is greeted by his adversaries, the Mormons, smiling bright in their white shirts and black ties as crisp and finely pressed as their morals.

I’ve seen a porn that started just like this.

But in a completely unsexy twist, while awkwardly holding up his towel and trying to get rid of the missionaries, he sees all three wiener dogs make an absolute, desperate, you’d-think-we-beat-them run for it out into the cul-de-sac.

As it turns out, those Mormons aren’t just pretty, jailbait faces…Oh no. Their religious equivalent of spidey-senses send them running out into the street after our terrified dogs who do not approve of strangers, especially those trying to convert their two gay dads into morally upstanding citizens.

Alright friends, it’s time to pitch in to help one of our own who needs some advice. Since this 20-something, Pittsburgh blogger’s family keeps an eye on her blog, she’s come over to the Rollercoaster for some under the radar input.

Here’s the situation, this wonderful woman is on the cusp of marriage to her her merman in October. Her sister is supposed to be in the wedding but there is one problem. A big problem. Her sister is suicidal, back into her drug addiction, and refuses to check herself into the psych hospital–as per her doctor’s advice.

The blogger asks: “How do I kick my sister out of the wedding party without contributing to her already unstable mental state? In addition to her drug addiction, she’s also bipolar. My family has been dealing with this for years and to be honest I’m just completely numb to it now. I feel nothing except pity and compassion for my parents who are on the brink of a breakdown themselves.”

Right. It’s go-time. Any advice is good advice. Just be sensitive, understanding and supportive like I know you can be and help put our friend’s mind at ease.

For the previous 7 weeks before this one, I had one thing in my head and that was the determination and drive to move here. Dan had gotten an interview and we were going to make it. I wasn’t entirely pleased with the setting I was working in, but it was ok and I was surviving. It was all for the greater good. A little bit of suffering for the prize of getting to live here. 

But after he didn’t get the coveted job, I’ve felt a little let down, to be honest. I don’t have that same determination and drive this week. This week?? I’m just in it for the survival aspect. Just to survive, to get through the final 5 weeks here.  I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now about moving out here. I am gravely disappointed and sad that I’ll be leaving this amazing place. But at the same time, I find I’m feeling a little excited to see my friends, family, dogs, and life back home.

The things I’m currently missing terribly in Michigan:

• Dan
• Ike and Vienna
• My closest friends: Heather & Mary
• Bob and Meredith – the inlaws
• My blood family – Tim (uncle), Joyce (aunt), as well as my cousins Ilee and Faith. Of course, my brother I miss, too, even though he’s a brat most of the time. 🙂
• The fact that the mall is only a 15 minute drive versus 90 minutes here.
• Sushi from Sushi-Ya or Kumo.
• The gym (love Planet Fitness!!)
• Lake Michigan (it’s been too cold to hit the beach, I know, but I would hate to be missing that this summer).
• 8 Point Lake (another summer destination — where my inlaws have a cottage)
• Let’s see…what else…..
• My Kitchen Aid mixer. I MISS BAKING.
• My nice pots and pans.
• My clothes. Almost all of my warm weather clothes are back in Michigan. While I have purchased a few warm weather pieces here, I miss having choices.

The list could go on forever, and really could start getting superficial here pretty quick.

I’m just taking each day as it comes. I’d love to stay in Colorado, but I’m not sure I want to until Dan can be here with me every day. I don’t love Michigan, but I sure am finding a lot I’m missing about the place. I’m kind of at a crossroads here and I’m just waiting on something to happen to help me make the decision one way or another.

At the end of May, I’ll be back for a good friend’s wedding, then a week to relax around Michigan, THEN a week in Hawaii with the hubs. Finally taking our honeymoon. 🙂 THEN, I’ll fly back to Colorado to either a) move my things into a new apartment in Grand Junction for a travel assignment or b)drive my stuff back to Michigan…for a travel assignment.

And that’s all the planning I plan on doing for the time being…

Angry. That’s pretty much what I feel right now. PURE ANGER. I can’t believe I had to turn down the job of a lifetime. The job I had an AMAZING interview with. Before I even got offered the job. And that SUCKS. I’m TRYING to be the un-selfish spouse. TRYING. But dang it. I feel like every single good thing that happens to come my way is totally ruined by the fact that Dan can’t get a job as easily. EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME I have tried to get a job in another state, it NEVER works as well for him.

It sucks.

I’m not angry at Dan. I’m just angry at…I don’t know…GOD? Life?? The universe?? NO CLUE.

But the job I wanted isn’t looking for a traveler at this time. Not that that couldn’t change, he said. But still.

THIS FREAKING KILLS ME INSIDE.

That’s all.

So! Today is a new day! And I’m not admitting defeat. But we made a decision for me to go ahead and come home for now. Last night we had decided to not give up. But when I woke up this morning, I didn’t like the way I felt about this decision. In order to do what we decided, we’d be getting ourselves too tight financially.

Theres some debt in our lives that would make things feel too tight. They wouldn’t be too bad bit I want a fresh start in our new location. (I used to not do a great job handling things financially and I am working on those past mistakes.) This is not a decision to give up.

I will be taking travel jobs in Michigan so I am close to my love and my family an friends. It will allow me to make enough money to pay stuff off. For us to build a larger savings. To fix up the house the way it should be. To sell it. We love this part of Colorado and are GOING TO COME BACK.

No doubt in my mind about that. I’m so glad I landed here and we are amazed that this area is not what we pictured. It’s freaking awesome. Within a couple of years, this is where we will be. I feel it in my heart. It was a hard decision. Very hard. But it feels right!!!

Because things are going VERY well (but I’m not ready to talk about it yet because I have a fear of jinxing things…. Next weekend I’m moving out of the Bed & Breakfast and into a HOUSE (to rent at this point in time). I’m going to be living in squalor as I, piece by piece, get furniture into the place. And as I wait an unknown time for Dan to arrive with a UHaul with our stuff. So much is left undetermined. So much has been decided. SO MUCH NERVEWRECKING MADNESS.

But even with just a mattress and box spring to start life with…This place is going to be a fantastic start (and eventually a great home for all of us — including a fenced in back yard for the fur brats). The only problem is WHEN exactly will we (if ever) be all together in it?

While we wait for certain things to come to pass, Dan is packing up our home in Michigan. I am ever so grateful and appreciative that he’s going through all that alone. But we both agree that he’s not even dealing with the hard part. It’s me…The one who sacrificed a heck of a lot of my mental health to get out here. The one who’s out here alone. Who had to suffer a stomach flu alone (I’m a baby, whatever). Who has NO ONE to help me in case of emergency. I don’t love packing, but sometimes, I wish that’s the part I was dealing with….

Wish us luck. Lots of thoughts and prayers our way, please? We’re just trying to make it and we’re just waiting for the answers…

Randomly on Wednesday, I decided to do a little Google detective work. Obviously, I had been in bed most of the week, and was getting bored out my ever loving MIND. I started wondering what other opportunities were to be had in the this section of Colorado. I hadn’t ever considered this area before, so I haven’t even come close to seeing everything there was to offer.

I mean, what happens if I’m not sure I want to turn this current job into something permanent? I like it so far, but I have to think about whether its something I want to turn into a long term commitment. Could I do the same thing over and over again, day in and day out? It’s not so bad, but really…Could I?

I still have that desire inside to do more with upper extremity rehabilitation. Earlier this year, I applied for the Texas Women’s University Post Grad certificate in UER. Darn it all, I DID miss the cut off date to start the program in the spring, but I’m hoping to hear in the fall if I can start in January. It’s mostly online — I’d also have the opportunity to travel there once per class for different workshops and hands on things. So I’m excited about that!

But anyway…Back to my Google detective work. I started doing research on Hand Therapy in this area. Which led me to a Facebook page of a local clinic. It doesn’t appear they have a webpage — just the Facebook. So I decided to make a comment on the page. Something along the lines of being an OT, being new to the area, blah blah blah, great facility! Seriously though, it did look like a fantastic clinic, from the info and things that I saw on the page, as well as the pictures.

One thing led to another, and within a few comments, I was meeting today with the owner!! I DID in fact go this afternoon after work. I met with another OT, got a little tour of the facility, had a great time chatting about my experience and the plan is for me to come and observe a number of times, since I’m here in this area for another 10 weeks anyway. They also want to get to know ME better and make sure I’m ready for a big move commitment — by making sure I even LIKE the place first. The conversation went SO GREAT!! I sent off my actual resume a bit ago to them.

No promise at this point of a job opportunity anyway, but there’s a good chance that it could lead there. It will be expanding at some point, the clinic, and they want to be ready with another OT. This is very exciting, so keep your thoughts and prayers with Dan and I.

Our biggest issue right now is HIS job situation. We need to make sure that he lands something, too, to put the icing on this cake.

But seriously…Be fearless like me…Do something weird like contact a company via their FACEBOOK should they have no other fantastic way to do so! I felt weird doing it, but I knew I had to get my foot in SOMEHOW. Sometimes you have to just NETWORK in order to get where you want to go….)

Is a flat stomach. The kind that looks like I worked for it. HA! My stomach is begging to eat, but any food that I get in? My stomach hurts so badly after it gets there. It sucks so badly. I didn’t even get to eat pie for Pi Day yesterday — I picked up a Hostess Chocolate Pudding pie and ate a few bites. Which tasted good! But I ate slow. Good thing, because my stomach started hurting quick. Darn it all. So, that pie got tossed….

At least the bloat that I built up last week disappeared. I was getting frustrated. Moving into a new city? Means trying out new foods. It also means probably not eating the VERY BEST while driving across the country to move to said city. I really didn’t eat terribly on the way here, but I was sitting on my bum driving for 20+ hours total. I’m going to guess that was one problem. Not to mention a change in altitudes did me in.

Tonight? I’m packing up a bunch of clothing to mail back home. I overpacked on the cold weather clothing and have had to pick up some tshirts to wear to work at Target. The building hasn’t turned on the A/C yet. And even when it comes on, it won’t cool down too much in there — because the building is considered the “home” of many people, they do their best to keep it comfortable for them.

Which I definitely recognize as important. Thank goodness we get to wear capri pants and bermuda length shorts to work!! But yeah, I have a lot of warm clothes that need to head back because it’s so amazingly warm here!! And I don’t have the room for all that stuff hanging out around here…