Beat. Up.

Warning: Long post ahead. I honestly should have broken it up into multiple posts, because I probably won’t have anything to talk about for another week! Ha!)

Wow. What a freaking week. I have said sorry so many times for disappearing for a week or two at a time, but eh…won’t apologize this time. When people say sorry too often that gets on my nerves. Ha. Anyway…. I’m winding up my last full week at my LAST internship!!

Next Thursday is my last day — with a bunch of short schedules/census that had us leaving quite early, half days because of weather, and a couple of sick days (we got hit by that horrible flu HARD in February), we had to add a couple of days on for makeup. YUCK, YUCK, YUCK. Tomorrow should have been my last day. Oh, well. I’ll survive. I’ve made it this far!!

This has been a very big struggle of an internship for me. SNF’s (Skilled Nursing Facility’s) are definitely not my cup of tea. I never did get used to the environment. The sounds, smells, and sights were a lot on the sensory system. I could  never get super comfortable. I got more comfortable with a lot of things, of course, but probably not to the point where I need to really be.

I know I’ll pass my final, so I’m not worried about that…. But I definitely have learned that I suck in this setting. No, honestly…I kind of do. I think I work well with kids. I have a lot more to learn about them, but I think they are awesome! I am also interested in hands still, even though my hands internship was insanely hard — it was supposed to be.  

But I love it and I actually have an interview for a part time hands position coming up. Kind of exciting, yes!? I also am slightly interested in psych, as well. I don’t have experience in psych as an OT, but I did work as a supervisor in a group home and worked with activities a lot there. So I have more experience than some people. And I have an interview for that sort of position coming up as well.

As far as this week really being hard….I did something really really stupid.  I whined to my doc about the side effects I had been dealing with on my anti-anxiety med (Lexapro). I don’t know why I whined about it, as I’m going to be weaning off of that after my internship is complete. Yes, I have a HUGE test to be studying for, but I still think my stress levels will be a lot lower. I’ll have more time to exercise, study, get in some walks with the dogs while I’m on study breaks, etc. It will be focused, but relaxed at the same time. I’m not going to kill myself over it.

ANYWAY….My doc gave me a new med to supplement it with (Wellbutrin XL). I waited to start it on a weekend as usually the first couple of days on a new med are HELL. It can be rough for a few weeks, but the first few days are the worst typically.  I was on it for a couple of weeks and NOTHING was getting better in the way of symptoms. My doc warned that it could make me more anxious, but I had no idea it would make me feel INSANE.

Exhausted, shaky, teary, panic attacks, lightheaded, migraine like headaches, nausea….all were experienced. So I decided to stop it all together. It had only been a couple of weeks and since it takes 2-4 weeks for it to really kick into your system.

The first day?? PIECE OF FREAKING CAKE. A CAKEWALK. Awesome. So I thought, wow, what a great decision! It was the first day I had felt great in a couple of weeks! The second day? Not as much. I was a little tired, drowsy…and as the day went on, my stomach was in more and more knots. Holy cow.  

I could not sleep last night at all. Anxiety was through the roof. Forgot to take my sleeping aid. So, did not sleep…It helps me sleep through the anxiety usually. I sat up late watching Gilmore Girls, maybe fell asleep around…midnight. Woke up at 2 with anxiety. Woke up at 5:30am for the day. So. yeah. Work today was even more rough. Stomach cramps, my stress related IBS, and at least 3 bad anxiety attacks.

I seem to only post about the negative in life don’t I?! How about how amazing my marriage has been the last couple of weeks? That’s not at all negative! He is fantastic, that husband of mine. We have been a lot closer than we have been in a long time. For awhile it seemed like we had hit a rough patch, but now things feel great again. I love it. Going to bed early to chat and catch up on life. And cuddle. Lovely.

We have been working together to eat a lot more healthy and finally I broke through my weight plateau. I didn’t do a post this week for my weigh in, but I lost 1.3 pounds this week! Very exciting. It could be partly because I haven’t had that much Coca-Cola these days!  Darn Lent! And we are on a mission to not eat very much out these days.