I just realized today that I haven’t posted in like 6 days. I remember when I used to post 3-5 days a week…How I would record all of my thoughts…. Since posting this blog for all friends and family to become AWARE of my presence online, I have realized that I have done a great deal of censoring…I’ve even found myself NOT posting half the time because my thoughts may or may not offend people or something. I miss being able to write how I want to write.
I wish what I could just write openly. About how this person or that is pissing me off. About how we’re not getting along. So I go around it and act like its all fine.
Maybe soon I’ll just let go of that censorship. Get over it. Because nothing I will say will be secret or behind someone’s back — they will already know I feel that way….
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I recently moved from staying with my father during my internship to staying at home and driving driving driving 45 minutes there and back daily. I did this for a number of reasons. Namely…my anxiety has been bad and I missed my husband. Another reason is that I just felt awkward. I get along fine now with my stepmom, but my father? Sigh. We don’t NOT get along. But we don’t get along either.
We have nothing in common. He talks to me as if I’m 12. It’s like, he refuses to see me past a certain age. Oh, and he has never really told me how proud he is of me. He worked really hard when I grew up so I barely saw him or was in his own world because of depression (which is no secret in my family).
I’ve given up on hoping that he and I will develop an “awesome” relationship. We’ve never been close and we never will be. The end.
And that’s the start of being more open. Enjoy.