I don’t deal with death very well — you could say I’m not very good with the grieving process and all that. I was kind of stuck in a phase over Fritz. Feeling unfathomable guilt. Feeling like we should have done something more. But we had gone over it and over it.
Many said we should have tried the surgery anyway (PEOPLE…Don’t say stuff like that when the pet has already passed away…it makes grieving that much more difficult! Believe me…I know.)…Another made me feel like crap because I hadn’t gone ahead and tried learning how to express his bowels and bladder, or had him catheterized for good. Maybe there was more we could have tried to do, but WE know best the situation we went through.
Anyway, just 2 days after we had to put Fritz to sleep, I had to leave to visit family in Tennessee. Worst drive I have ever had to make. I had planned this trip for over a month but now I just wanted to stay home and be miserable. The only thing I had been able to think about was that I could not save Fritz. I had tried to save him from the miserable life he had led and I felt like I had completely and utterly failed.
I really wanted another dog. I really did. My mother and Dan? Weren’t so sure that was the best idea. But I needed to save a dog. I needed to. I know in my heart that it was what I had to do. I think it was really the only way I could get over the guilt. The day we put Fritz down, I told Dan we would never get another rescue dog again. I couldn’t take the pain…. But I guess I didn’t mean it.
I sat patrolling petfinder.com again. Making phone calls, asking questions. I checked in our area in Michigan, and I also checked in Tennessee, in the area I was staying.
I came across a one year old light red female dachshund. A one year old who had already had a litter of puppies, dachshund mixes (they believe she would have gotten pregnant during her very first heat). Her name was CiCi.
All while I was looking these animals up, I was also chatting via google with Dan. I think he finally realized what he had to do….Say ‘Yes’ to this. I was miserable….and I know he was, too, because of it. He knew I wouldn’t rest until I did this.
I went and got that little girl. Yes, I did. I didn’t get her as a replacement for Fritz…There’s no way in this world that I could do that. NONE. He holds a place in my heart that nothing else will be able to fill.